Barb’s Behavior Blog
Stories, Strategies & Inspiration
Let's get real. It's true.
They just are. Some of us handle them better than others. Me? It's not exactly my greatest strength.
Yes, I am talking about adult transitions. Moving. Ending a relationship. Getting yourself out of the house in the morning. Even happy transitions like the birth of a new baby (ok that one is sort of in a league of its own) or getting the car packed for a day at the beach can be STRESSFUL.
As an early childhood educator, have you ever felt that you were not being supported by your director? Last week I received an email that essentially asked:
Can you relate?
Often, our job as early childhood educators goes beyond the children and is to support the families. I was doing a training last week with teachers and when I asked them about the behavioral challenges they faced they certainly had some stories to share.
But when I asked them about the challenges they faced in collaborating with families the energy of the room went up about 10 decibels (can you measure energy in decibels?). There was a collective, "oh yes - let me tell you...!" The frustration was palpable.
I was coaching teachers in a Head Start program in New York and spent the morning in a Pre-K in a Seattle public school. And I've been learning new great ideas. What's most on my mind? Transitions. Specially, supporting children to transition with ease.
How do we support children to transition with ease?
Well let me tell you I have recently been witness to SEVERAL TEACHERS WHO ROCK THEIR TRANSITIONS. And I learned two new things to make transitions go even smoother. So if you are struggling to wrangle your kids to put the toys in the buckets and baskets and put them on the shelf...if the whole thing takes more minutes then you can practice counting on your fingers...or if you are pulling your hair out about how badly your transitions go, then this is for you!
A preschool teacher recently wrote to me and asked,
“Do you have any suggestions for a 3-year-old child who has a very limited attention span? Unless an adult is playing with him (which we strive for as much as possible but can’t happen all the time) he never stays with anything for longer than 30 seconds. He loves to play in our outdoor water structure and he stays engaged for a prolonged period. This is the only time he is completely regulated. He also struggles with transitions.” - Shelby
Shelby, wow, this sounds exhausting! To start, I just want to say that it sounds like you are doing tons right with this child, in terms of prioritizing having an adult work with him 1:1 and playing with him to help him build his capacity to stay engaged. I do think that’s precisely the way to help him build his attention span. Of course, I know it’s not always possible to have an adult working directly with him all the time. Also, the fact that you observed and noted that playing with water is the exception to the rule; the time he does sustain independent engagement in an activity. And, that you noticed this seems to help self-regulate him.
Let’s think about how we can build on his interest in water and build on the fact that water play seems to self-regulate him...
Many teachers say they are too busy to get down on the floor and play…others have been taught that it’s not appropriate to do so…some say they feel awkward or don’t know what to do.
Yet, helping children who exhibit challenging behavior to play creatively with materials, sustain engagement, and develop cooperative play skills can be transformative.
Over and over again I’ve seen examples of intentional support for a child’s play result in language spurts, increased attention span, social skills, friendships formed, and dramatic reductions or the elimination of the challenging behavior…sometimes even when the behavior was occurring at other times of the day.
Curious? Read on…
It wasn’t until my late 20s that I realized how much storytelling had always been a part of my life. Like many cultures the Irish like to tell their stories. My mom and dad both had stories of their childhood years that they told me over and over. I would request them. My mom really looked up to her childhood friend who I called my Aunt Margie and I guess Aunt Margie was a bit more daring than my mom so my mom had stories of Aunt Margie galore – pretending to faint at a movie theater and doing other vaguely rebellious things! I relished the stories of Wild Aunt Margie and her sidekick, my mom.
When I reflect on these and other stories from my childhood I realize there were several things that captivated me.
Let’s.
“Let’s go to the beach…”
“Let’s work together to create a plan to prevent Jasmine from hitting the other children during circle time.”
“Let’s decide what your professional development goals are.”
“Let’s hurry up and clean up the blocks so that we can go outside!”
“Honey, let’s figure out how on earth we can get the kids to ____________ (insert your challenge here)…”
What feelings did these sentences, questions and invitations bring up? Did you want to go along with the ideas in each of them? How do you think these offers would land with children you know? What do you think the listener would say, do, think or feel?
Transitions are tough.
Not just for kids but for many of us as adults.
I still remember that when I was a new preschool teacher at the University of Minnesota Child Development Center in the early 1990s our Ed Director, Sherry, did a fabulous workshop on transitions. She pointed out that even for us as adults, transitions can be hard. She referenced packing for a vacation as an exciting yet stressful transition. How many of us get discombobulated or fight with our loved ones during transitions as small as getting out of the house in the morning….or as big as getting ready to move to a new home?
Oh yeah. I’m guilty...
